"Cutting Clean"

I lost a friend yesterday. Not just an ordinary one, she was the best I ever had. She also happens to be my only ex... No, she didn't die and she's not leaving the country. But I already said my last goodbye. There's a sense of finality in that. So now she's definitely lost - from my life, phone's address book, as well as my YM, Friendster and Blogspot accounts. We agreed that there'll be no more phone calls, text messages, chat sessions, dates, etc. I'll even burn her letters and pictures later.

Why did I say goodbye? Because I had to. Because if I didn't, my heart will break everytime I hear her talk fondly of someone else. I envy those guys. I really do. They've barely touched the surface of my ex-friend's personality and they're already hooked. I can't wait for them to learn how wonderful she really is.

Does it hurt? Of course it does. She was the only person I ever loved. I've never been so emotionally dependent in my life except with her. Her opinion was the only one I considered. Her approval, the only one that mattered.

Is there a chance of us being friends again? I doubt it. What we had was special. But I don't feel things will ever be the same as it used to be. I only hope that whoever's responsible for ending that friendship is damn well worth it.

So what now? Sooner or later I have to move on. All it takes is figuring out how to forget the best thing that ever happened to my life. No big deal. Just a walk in the park.

This post makes me envy Jim Carrey's character in the movie (one of my favorites) "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind". What I would give to have my mind erased of all the memories that we had together. I feel that it's the only way for me to truly forget her. To break away. To cut clean.